My underwear smells like fireworks.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
