No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
