There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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