I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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