she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
