we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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