i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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