Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
worst night to have a conscience
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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