Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
