jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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