I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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