If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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