i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
