Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
