You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When did angry sex become our thing?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
