too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
