K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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