I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
