Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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