I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that đ I went with "no"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
