My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
