We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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