Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
