There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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