a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i've created a new STD.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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