kristin has been a bad kristin
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
