nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
