I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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