porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
