my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
