Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
