Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
