At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
