Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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