I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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