Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
