then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
