I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
