fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
