I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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