she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Did I show you my penis last night?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
