Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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