Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
