You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
