it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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