Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
