i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
