I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
