i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
