I'm so fucking centered right now
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
